Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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