We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
