I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
