I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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