he thought i was a dude.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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