you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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