what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
