3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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