The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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