I think i peed on brittanys purse
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
