What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
