ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
