Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
