i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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