I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
