This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
