two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
