She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
