so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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