maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
