Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
