I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
