Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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