She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
