We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
