he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
