Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
