Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
