I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
