the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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