one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
