i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
