Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
