Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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