everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
