I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
