You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
