The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
