I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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