So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
