she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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