Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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