I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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