I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize