sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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