Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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