I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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