According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
