I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
