ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
