the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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