I just saw a hot homeless man
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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