He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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