He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize