I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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