i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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