It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
