i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
