Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
