so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
