Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
