When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
