Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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