I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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