I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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