Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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