Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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