i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
